Coaching the "Challenging" or Difficult Child in Baseball

Every coach knows that some children are harder to handle and manage than others. Sometimes problems occur because of personality differences between a coach and a child, but there are children with whom any coach, adult or parent would have trouble. The truly difficult child is strong-willed, with powerful needs and unyielding determination, and often intensely curious about every aspect of his surroundings. I don't profess to call myself a behavioral therapist but I have learned some important lessons along the way during my own therapy as a parent that have helped me manage difficult children in youth baseball.

Coaching is not always easy at the best of times but when it comes to dealing with a difficult child the challenges can often seem overwhelming. Whatever the reason for a child's bad behavior, the solution is rarely simple and will involves a great deal of time and hard work.  It is important nonetheless to address it because it can become more out of control and have an effect on the other ball players (and parents).  In fact, several parents have already approached me about the 'spillover' effect and the need to address one player's behavioral actions or words.


The signs of a difficult child are clear to coaches and might manifest themselves as a refusal to accept limits or do what he is told, a very short temper or perhaps even physical violence towards his fellow ball players or even towards you.  Thankfully, the two latter events have not occurred in my role as manager or coach.  My experience has seen more of an oppositional defiant type of behavior.

Regardless of the cause for the behavior such as Asperger's Syndrome, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), autism, insecurities, lack of self-esteem, or poor behavioral mechanics, getting to the root of the problem quickly is important, but not always easy. If there is no obvious reason for the child to behave as he does then the first port of call should be the parents, as well as sitting your player down and having a thoughtful discussion.

You will quickly realize is that you are almost certain to feel both angry and frustrated at your player's behavior and that these feelings can very easily and quickly make an already difficult situation worse. Solving the problem is going to be a process of trial and error and that this may take time and will inevitably meet with both success and failure. Indeed, it is likely to be a slow uphill climb taking two steps backwards for every three steps you take forward.You may need to try various different approaches to teach the player the right way to behave and to show him that his own behavior is wrong and that it adversely affects the players and parents around him.

The way I approach these situations follows the way I have been taught as a parent.  Be patient.  Do not yell.  Show that you are in control.  Provide structure.  Setting boundaries and teaching by example will be extremely important, as will punishing bad behavior. Punishment however is often a problem when it comes to a difficult child as the negativeness only increases the defiance.  Lastly, partner with the child's parents and brainstorm ideas as to how we all can get the player's behavior under control.  After all, there are 11 other children that need to be managed by the coach, not just one.