Complexities of Coaching Your Own Child

I have no magic answers or solutions to managing or coaching your own child in youth sports.  I often struggle.  What I do know and try to implement is that it is important to check your expectations, appropriately manage the situation and try as best you can in dealing effectively with the inherent complexities and challenges that you face.

Let's be honest, there are many reasons parents get involved coaching children.  These reasons include a love for the game, a long playing background as I had, a desire to give something back or sometimes it's simply that there are no other volunteers. Another reason, and probably the most prevalent to many of us, is the desire to coach your own children. Most of us want to spend quality time with our kids doing something that we enjoy and helping a community need. As most parents, we want our children to be successful on the field and in the interaction with their teammates. Our goals for our children aren't much different from the other parents of kids on the team, but there is a difference in the role we play. As a coach we have taken on a different role with our child and that role of coaching children doesn't always fit squarely with our other role of supportive parent.

I remembered what it was like to be a high school, college and semi-pro player. I remember how baseball instilled in me a number of values that I believe helped me in school, in life, and in athletics. Dedication, hard work and perseverance were just a few of the important things that I learned while playing. These are the life skills that I hope my children will also learn as they grow and I believe athletics provides a great opportunity to learn.

When I look back at myself at 9 years old, hard work wasn't in my vocabulary. I played baseball for the pure joy of it. I didn't "work" on anything or focus my attention on skills and drills.  My natural talent took over. I played and improved because I played a lot and had a good time. Lately, as I watch my son in practice, I see that he isn't concerned about his swing or his throwing mechanics or other skill set to focus on to make the incremental leap to Majors. He plays hard and is mainly concerned about having a good time and playing with his teammates. Baseball is exactly what it is supposed to be for a 9 year old.  Fun.

At times, I have an inability to take off my coaching hat and just have fun together as father and son. You can't force children to be dedicated.  I need to remind myself often.  They have to learn it and I must ensure there is space to learn it. Sports provide opportunities to learn many lessons including positive thinking, respect for coaches, umpires, teammates, and the rules, dealing with winning and losing, teamwork and leadership.

So what is best or the recommended approach? What I have learned is the following guidance:

Please evaluate your reasons for coaching and check that they include: helping all athletes succeed, building sportsmanship and positive competitive drive, honing skills and raising competence, creating memories of fun, connectedness and confidence that carry over into lifelong fulfillment. You must not play favoritism. Your child must be treated the same as the others. If his attitude or behavior needs to be addressed, do not ignore it. Rather, address it in a firm, controllable manner. It will send important signals to the other players that you are in charge.

On a positive note, I feel that I possess and follow many of these goals and tenets as a Coach. However, I also feel that I need further work to improve upon my inabilities to deal effectively with my own child.  Bottom line, it is hard to accomplish. Don't fool yourself.  One thing I do know is that I am coaching for the right reasons,  I have so much to offer for children.  I learned from great coaches and a supportive Dad and it is time to give back without regret.

By the way, I am finally realizing what my dad went through as he coached me in Little League. This must be my penance.  He told me this day would come.  Thanks Dad for your love, support and patience.  I'll try to demonstrate the same values to my children.